Monday, March 3 2008

Dance With the One What Brung Ya

One fish, to eat, red wine, white meat?

I was thinking the other day of the old rules for wine, and wine and food. Seems like wisdom needs a patina to excuse it (old sayings and old rules are treated more reverently than newfangled notions, most of the time) or a bit of distance to give it gravitas (wisdom from far-off lands, like Chinese mysticism or Pagan Gnosticism have their flare-ups as hip and cool thought-systems quite regularly). Most people never question the idea that red goes with meat, white with fish, champagne for everything, and save the Port for Stilton and cigars.

But you do get the occasional foray into daring new challenges to the status quo, where (hopefully) well-intentioned tasteniks and wineyakkers declaim that you can dare to dream of a world where red wine goes with fish, where white wine could use a steak once in a while, and where Port is perfect as an aperitif (the French do this all the time). I was reading The Pour this morning, and The As has pulled this clichéd anti-cliché out of the bag o' words and dusted it off for the New York Times blogreadership. While I'm all for taking a fresh look at things, I often wish people would stop bloody thinking outside the box and get back to thinking inside the box, where the real world is, and the rest of us live.

The trouble is, once you get past the shock of the idea of having a glass of red with fish, it turns out that only the lightest, least tannic reds are recommended for the heaviest, oiliest fish and then the pairing is usually only mildly successful–like Pinot Noir with salmon. Sure, it's not completely horrible and in some cases when I've been served the combination it's actually been pleasant enough. But every single case has made me wish I'd had a Pinot Blanc or nearly any other dry white wine instead of red.

And when even the relative lightness of Pinot Noir isn't shy enough, the tastenik usually retreats into the relative timidity of Beaujolais. Why? It's because Beaujolais is actually a white wine trying on Mommy's nylons and high-heels in the privacy of a locked room. It's not really fooling anyone but itself, and I almost always drink my Bo-joe chilled, with some light snacks, usually salty–just the way I drink my white wine.

It's just as silly with whites 'n' red meat. The recommendation comes down to the heaviest, oakiest brute of a Chardonnay that can be found, or even a blockbuster Riesling, something aged enough to get oily-textured and diesel-scented. Let's face it: even if both these wines shave their lantern jaws and force some décolletage with padding and artful gathers, nobody is going to mistake them for crisp, refreshing white wine, full of sunshine and poetry. And though they may not offend the palate when chasing down a Porterhouse or a nice slab of prime rib, it's not like they're going to sing hosannas as much as they're simply going to rinse down your next bite with a few desultory mutters.

So why do oenoscribes go through this torturous exercise? I have to say we all do it at least once to satisfy our curiosity and to learn something. Fortunately most of us do it in the privacy of our own homes, and wash our hands afterwards. Whenever I see the whole role-reversal for traditional food pairings in print, I shudder and feel gloom enveloping me. Without reading a word of the article I can tell that there's going to be weaselling, stretching the styles of wine as far as the bounds of decency allow, chivvying to say it has to be exactly the right red wine, one from a vineyard over simply will not do! It has to be a well-aged Riesling, dry and powerful, or this oaky Chardonnay and not that! Too bad if it doesn't work for you, Mr. Consumer, because even though I won't do it again, I got to write a whole article about how you should try it! Ha ha ha, life is good!

Bah. Double-bah. While the idea of exploring kooky pairings appeals on an intellectual level, the declaration that 'red does go with fish' is simplistic and a disservice to 90% of the consumers who'll read the article. The red that they drink simply won't do it. The whites most people have in their cellar aren't wound tightly enough to pair with a decent piece of cow. It's a sure sign of a slow news day when a wine writer pulls this out of his bag of tricks.

Not that I think Eric Asimov is a bad person for trying it out. He seems nice, and his blog is required reading if you want to stay on top of things. But until Barolo goes with scallops, and Verdicchio goes with blood pudding, I'm not buying anything outside the box.

Posted by Tim AT 9:54PM

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