Wednesday, December 10 2008
Turning Wine Into Water
Don't you wish you worked here?
What is it with Italians and plumbing? Attentive readers may recall my blog of October 21st, when I made fun of Italian plumbing and household taps suddenly running with wine (sure it won't get out stains in the wash, but you won't care).
My mockery apparently fell on deaf ears, because the Italians are at it again: in a winery Quality Control fiasco (a Latin phrase meaning, 'Apparently Italians installed your plumbing') some bottles of 2007 D'Aquino Pinot Grigio delle Venezie shipped to the Liquor Control Board of Ontario were not filled with yummy, crisp Pinot Grigio. They were, in fact, filled with nothing but water.
According to the Toronto Star, the LCBO acted swiftly:
George Soleas, the board's vice-president of quality assurance, said yesterday there is no risk to the public.
"Basically, the chemical testing we have done, that was quite extensive, shows it is just tap water."
"The only reason we decided to do the public recall is because we stand behind the quality of our products 100 per cent," Soleas said.
I have a lot of issues with those statements. I'm glad he's working reassure the public on the safety of the product, but 'extensive chemical testing'? Try just opening a bottle. Not even a government liquor monopolist should be able to confuse Pinot Grigio with tapwater.
Second, his statement about the only reason for the recall being a 100% quality commitment must be a misquote. What's alternative? A target demographic of people too timid to return faulty product?
Waiter, this chicken is undercooked! Wedding feast of Canaan, Jan Vermeyen
Still, it's amusing. Jesus wasn't the first winemaker of note in common literature (that'd fall to some contemporary of Gilgamesh, although the epic mentions a magic vineyard that bore gems instead of grapes) but he's the dude who is credited with the miracle of the wedding feast of Canaan, and thus goes down as the first true home winemaker, as opposed to farm winemaker. His touch would certainly help D'Aquino, and might balance the forces that are making wine gush out of plumbing and water gush out of wine bottles.
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