Wednesday, November 17 2010

Caffeindish Capers

That's the culprit, officer: I'd recognise him anywhere

I have a confession to make.

I can tend towards excessive, if not completely compulsive behaviour. When I decide I enjoy something, I tend to enjoy the ever-lovin' bits out of it. All of my hobbies get out of control (viz, winemaking used to be my hobby, and look at me now)  and even small pleasures seem to expand on me, like my rather broad whisky collection, my education as a cook, or my previous obsession with powerlifting.

Most of those are harmless (for a given value of 'harmless'), but it's a good thing to recognise one's weaknesses, and for me it has long been coffee.

You see coffee beans, I see little angels shouting, 'Drink me! Drink me!'

None of that froofy coffee-candy that people drink these days either: If I wanted twelve ounces of milk with ten teaspoons of sugar and artificial flavour, steamed with a teaspoon of coffee, I'd ask for that. (Did you know that Starbucks is the world's largest retailer of milk by volume?)

No, for me it's always been a cup of drip-brewed java, strong as a moose and as dark as The Hour Before Coffee. I started drinking coffee when I was ten years old. I was the only kid in high-school who owned his own coffee maker, much less the only one that had it prepped in a nook in the headboard of his bed, set to finish brewing as my eyes opened in the morning.

This has, over the years, had some interesting side effects, including a spell in my twenties when my doctor told me the trouble I had was my body rebelling from sixty cups a day--who knew it could make my happy place ache from my knees to my shoulder blades? Also, I developed a dead ringer for a myoclonic tremor, which some folks might mistake for mild Tourettes syndrome, a jerk of my head and a shudder that look pretty weird. Neither of these things stopped me from enjoying my coffee. After all, a coffee achiever was faster, smarter, more detail oriented and got more done, right?

That's always been my motto

Sadly, no. A recent study showed that coffee did not significantly improve performance in non coffee drinkers. However, in those who consumed it regularly, the difference between their uncaffeinated performance and that after a cup of joe was significant. In effect, coffee is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are addicted to it, you need it to perform as well as others do without--that steaming cup of black love is really just beating back withdrawal symptoms.

With this in mind, I re-read a favorite non-fiction book of mine, Buzz: The Science and Lore of Alcohol and Caffeine, by Stephen Braun. It's a really interesting book, looking at myths and truths about two of humankind's favorite mind-altering substances. He's a pretty thoughtful and skilled writer and it turns out that after doing all of the research for his book, he almost entirely gave up coffee, and any other caffeinated drinks.

And so, I've done the same. I haven't had a cup of caffeinated coffee since September. For those who've hung out with me for any length of time, this is a pretty big change. I'm drinking de-caf occasionally, but not obsessively, and I quite enjoy a nice cup of tea. I've never drank soda, other than a root beer once or twice a year, so that source of caffeine isn't an issue for me.

I went pretty much cold turkey and haven't looked back in months. I had a wee headache for half a day when I stopped, and I was sleepy for the rest of the week after that, but I haven't noticed any change since, except that I sometimes wonder if I'd really get more done with a dose of go-juice in me, especially this time of year when I'm on the road for weeks at a time, up early and to bed late. But I'm soldiering on without really hurting in any way. 

It's a dark cup of mystery

Will I go back to the demon molecule? Dunno. I've quit in the past, for as long as six months, and then just resumed coffee without thinking about it. But if I do, I'm going to be a little more discriminating in the future, and rather than four or five cups of super-strong java every morning without fail, I might just enjoy a nice espresso on Sundays. Some things are more special when you enjoy them carefully.

Posted by Trembling Tim AT 2:20PM

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